Posted in Thinking out loud

Don’t look now but I think I’m being followed.


The last 3 months I have been passionately pursued by 2 men. Well, presumably two men. They’re both pretty well known. I was going to come up with alias but I don’t like to play games with these guys so I’m going to call it like it is. Satan has been going after me hardcore. I had not realized how closely I had been fraternizing with him. I didn’t see him slink back in my life. I thought I had dealt pretty well with some powerful issues I had as a child. I thought I had been triumphant over the mental and physical abuse my brother and I experienced as children. But Satan had one more card to use against me even 30 years later.

For many years now I had rejoiced in the knowledge and evidence that God was always with me. That whenever everyone else had let me down as a child, God’s arms were always wrapped around me. Satan is not original but he is creative. Recently, he snuck in and he stole that beautiful truth from me and planted a seed of doubt in my mind. I allowed his lies to whisper to my heart.

I have no doubt God was always with you, but why did He allow that to happen to you? He watched you get hurt and like everyone else He didn’t step in and save you. I’m just saying, if you’re supposedly that special to Him, don’t you think He would have protected you? 

This slant of the truth devastated me. I have truly had a crisis of faith this summer. But just as aggressively as Satan has relentlessly pursued me, God, the everlasting gentleman, has also respectfully and lovingly reminded me of His love song for me. I can’t say I have any answers for the trials and tribulations I endured. I can tell you my heart breaks for the least, the lost, and the lonely. Would I care that deeply for hurting young women if I hadn’t been a hurting young woman? I can’t say but that’s just my reality.I have no real answers. I can only speak to what I see.

God knows my heart so beautifully that He crafted many love songs just for me this week. The word “wooing” cracks me up but that’s all I can think of. God is passing me notes in the hall, He’s sending me flowers, He’s buying me gifts, He’s staring intently at me across the room. He’s not forcing Himself on me. He’s showing me He loves me and He’ll wait until I can cross the room again to His arms.

When Lifehouse sings Hanging By A Moment it speaks to my heart of just once again finding myself dangling at the end of my rope and clinging to moments of Jesus’ love. It’s so easy for Satan to destroy in a moment what we have worked for a lifetime striving for. Even when Satan kicks me in the stomach with distorted truths I have to cling to those moments and starve for that truth that I have nothing else and I don’t want anything without God.

God reminds me through Adele’s Make You Feel My Love  again that He is such a gentleman and the epitome of a helpless romantic. He wants to bring me such happiness and joy. He laid down His life for me and will do it again and again. I am loved.

No matter what was taken from me as a child, I have reaped ten fold as an adult.Martina McBride’s song Blessed helps me keep a record of all the elegant trustworthy things I have in my life.  I have an incredible husband who is just right for me. I am madly in love with him. I have 3 miracles who most I can not wrap my head around their beautiful unique hearts. I have so many friends I can’t even keep track of them all. My dreams are coming true. I have hit my stride. And even though my identity in Christ took a hit I still will set my gaze on Him and trust Him with my life.

This week I was especially reminded by the song Never Let Go by David Crowder Band that even trainwrecks like me cannot be denied God’s grace and forgiveness. There is nothing that can separate me from the love of God. Not Satan. Not people being used by Satan. And more importantly sometimes Satan’s most powerful weapon, of me. I am never alone and God will not let me down. I am his daughter. So don’t mess with me.

Have you endured a crisis of faith recently? What blessings did you receive from that crisis?

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Author:

I help people and organizations get unstuck. I prefer to avoid the muck as well. Whether in personal lives, organizations, business leaders, or parents I pose suggestions to keep everyone moving forward.

2 thoughts on “Don’t look now but I think I’m being followed.

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