I need to return to who I am. My first started down this path I thought I need to change a lot of things about myself. It pained me to think of all the things I needed to address, of all the nasty habits needing altered and removed, all the proverbial nose hairs plucked.
They were things I knew needed to be taken care of right away but I just didn’t want to. I had allowed these behaviors, these choices, these lifestyles to dictate who I was and what I did. All of this work just seemed overwhelming, pointless, and pain-filled. And in some cases just not that harmful.
But then God reminded me through lots of time in Ephesians the truths about my redemption, my blessings, my purpose, and my identity. I am a marked woman, sealed by the Holy Spirit, and a prize possession of God. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong to this planet. This is not my final resting place. I am not a temporal being. I am eternal.
But even with all these powerful truths swirling around Satan still gets his arrows into my heart and mind whispering his lies, purposefully placing his temptations, desiring my flesh to be stronger than my spirit.
So this week, I begin again. I’ve stopped counting the times that I’ve started over. However many times it is, I am thankful for grace. I will being again, strong disciplines, steeped in my identity as a daughter of the King. This princess is willing but it is daunting but I’m ready to go.
Father I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them withouth inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself will be the light of it, and there shall be no night there.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”
A.W. Tozer The Pursuit of God