The irony of not being able to keep my eyes open past 9:45 pm. is I have endured another night of staring at the ceiling. Another night of flip flopping, tossing and turning trying to find the best spot to fall back to sleep as I sing lullabies to myself.
It’s just hard to sleep when you’re dreaming.
I’m sure my eyes popped open at 1:47 not in response to this crazy idea of Daylight Savings Time but of the many, many, many things on my to do list. The content that needs writing, the funding that needs finding, the prayers needing to be said, the donors to be visited, the community and church groups to be spoken to, the volunteers that need mobilizing, the staff that needs to be recruited, the licensing that needs completing, the phone calls that need returning, calming the people irritated with me for not returning email or voicemail and not to mention my family’s menus, errands, carpool, laundry, homework, etc and my friends who I have been neglecting.
Even though the pile of to-do’s and must-do’s seems impossible to complete I have to give myself the time In the middle of the night to look a little further down the road. It is the middle of the night when I want to think about holding tiny babies, watching a teen mama walk across the stage for her diploma, witnessing her reunited with her family. It is the middle of the night that affords me the vantage point of seeing a teen mother wrestle through her faith and to start to see just how much God loves her. It is the middle of the night that I think about opening the wedding invitation of one of these first residents. It is the middle of the night that I think about watching one of these little babies at their kindergarten graduation. It is the middle of the night that I dream about offering Sparrow to other communities. It seems the middle of the night is the only time I can allow the time to begin to wrap my head around what God is doing right now.
When you see your dream becoming a reality through no real action of your own you really don’t want to close your eyes at all. I don’t want to miss a single minute of what God is doing, what is He is doing through His people, what He is doing through the churches and the community. I can’t even imagine what He is doing in the heart and life of a young woman right now who could be our first resident.
It feels like I only write about this dream and have been writing about this dream for a long time. It”s just that is impossible for me to turn away from it all. I know I will soon have new stories of babies, and mothers, and all of that but just for tonight in this sleepless state I’ll dream about little baby toes, and holding mama’s hands, and watching God do whatever He wants to do with all this.
What dream are you dreaming about right now?
What do you do when you can’t sleep at night?